My thoughts are somewhat similar to what others have mentioned. It is possible to lose one's identity in any relationship. However, becoming a mother does not necessarily mean giving up the ethos of one's identity. Every woman, as every individual, needs to establish and nourish her own interests, ideas, talents, relationships and personal growth. Motherhood becomes an integral, personal and joyous dimension of a woman's identity, which reguires balancing the many immediate demands of a multi-facited life. I feel that Sam was incapable of this juggling act, because she had difficulty diciphering what is required for demonstrating love and care due to her own insecurities concerning Iris'es mode of mothering. However, in the end, Iris'es choice of Sam, as her liberator from life, could count as trust, faith and love for her daughter.